Stop Saying Sorry :: Draft

I have stopped saying sorry. Mostly I have stopped apologising. It may seem like someone who “stops apologising” has inherently stopped caring about other people’s reactions or their feelings toward your reactions, but in this case there’s a bit more method to the madness. I’ve basically asked people close to me to stop saying sorry to me, too. Life is more wonderful because of that.

Instead of always defaulting to an apology, try this next time and see if it works for you as well: When you catch yourself automatically defaulting to “sorry”, complete this sentence instead:

“I am sorry because I feel __”.

Then delete the part about being sorry from your sentence.

Instead just say:

“I feel __”.

What happens in this scenario? You communicated real feelings. You connected. Without implying wrongness.

Because wrongness and fault are inherent parts of the word “sorry”. We use the word sorry to excuse our existence and actions away and we use this word to excuse everything from major transgressions right down to the most insignificant or negligible actions.

If you feel nothing – no guilt, remorse or shame – in the moment when you said sorry, then why say it at all?

“Sorry, will you please pass me the salt?”.

Why are you apologising for communicating a basic request that probably wouldn’t inconvenience anyone in the slightest way?

As a society, saying sorry peppers our language. Ask why. As what you are saying. What you are excusing away.

If you keep on automatically saying “sorry”, you are putting so much wrongness on you.

You are ok. You are amazing. You in fact, are awesome. As you are.

Stop saying sorry.

References

https://xkcd.com/945 Sorry vs Apology http://www.ontario.ca/laws/statute/09a03&pm=pd “Sorry does not imply you are wrong, it’s the law - but only in Canada”